i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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