carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
