Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
