FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
