Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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