When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize