i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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