I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
