I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
