happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I smell like Dick and happiness
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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