I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My ass is underappreciated
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
