And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
