it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
