Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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