My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
