so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
