I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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