oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
