Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize