If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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