sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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