dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
