ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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