Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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