i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
