Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
