if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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