I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Terrible idea I love it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
