My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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