so that wasnt chicken after all
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
