so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
