I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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