I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
