omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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