I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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