Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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