If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
