I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
