She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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