oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
