Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
