dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
