Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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