If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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