I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
