but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
