thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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