ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
