I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize