I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
