I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
