I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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