I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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