you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
