shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
