yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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