I wish I only lived at night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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