I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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