I hate your face
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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