1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
