There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
