We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
