Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize