Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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