He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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