He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
