Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love accidental penises.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
