Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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