thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
