I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
