Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
