My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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