Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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