So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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