Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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