I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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