Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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