if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
