ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
