She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
