the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
